Success and Play

I’ve been thinking a lot about modes of learning, about experimenting, trying, failing, getting burnt, breaking it, breaking down, making a mess, having a go, trying again – all of that good stuff. All of the stuff that university tells us there is room for, but is there really?

Reflecting on how by the time I’d reached undergrad study there was so much pressure to just know, have so much figured out, have so much to say, and I mean intellectually – referenced, backed up, well read, researched things to say. We were constantly told to experiment and trust the process but in fact did the structures of the university and the curriculum and the big old marking matrix in the course hand book actually allow us to do that? How can you play and fail, without failing? I don’t think I managed it.

There’s this pressure from so early on in art school to over intellectualise or post rationalise everything that never sat well with me. I can remember so vividly being 11 and making art (if you want to call it that) and teachers saying things like ‘ooh it looks like the work of (insert famous probably dead white guy artist) you should reference him in your sketchbook or say the work was inspired by him’ errr really? but it wasn’t – I’ve never heard of him and you’ve only mentioned him now that I’ve done the work. I feel like I’ve never been able to shake that. What’s the obsession with what came before legitimising what we create now? Don’t get me wrong I’m the most nostalgic, memory driven person I know and I can understand the importance of looking back in some contexts but it feels so restrictive the way it’s often approached in the context of learning to be an artist. Learning to create.

Then there’s this whole concept that aesthetics are not enough – why not though? Why do I have to post rationalise everything I do? Why can’t I just want to make nice things? what’s so wrong with that? What’s so wrong with encouraging a student that wants to do that? Why haven’t we reached a model that supports students to make the work they love! not the work that sounds good in a coffee table book or over a glass of overpriced wine?

I remember being very naively affronted when a tutor asked us if we thought art school was a middle class affair. I didn’t want to be in that gang, I wanted people to know I was here and spent my early years growing up in a council house and my former in a single parent family. That I had to work every weekend, evenings and holidays to afford to be in this room. That my mum raised me telling me I could be whatever I wanted to be as long as I was kind, and that I believed her. Wholehearted believed that if I wanted to make something, or build something, or largely do anything then I could. I think to a degree I still believe it now. And thats the kind of educator I’ve always wanted to be, the one that trusts you, the one that lets you just do it, not because the curriculum says you should, or your forefathers did.

In the height of final year stress when I was juggling uni, a business course, a PTTLLS qualification, freelancing, interning and working part time (hello acutely aware I would graduate and need a shit hot CV to not be unemployed) my tutor caught me mid breakdown and said something I’ll never forget. “Trust yourself Zoë, and if you can’t do that right now, trust that I trust you and I know you can do it” it took me right back to my mum who told me I could do anything, right back to believing I could fly (literally) and shouting out to her to come and watch me fly (jump) down an entire staircase (I survived unscathed don’t worry) . And thats what I want students to feel when they’re in a space with me, learning.

I hear you already and it’s not idealogical, believe me I know the reality that art school is no longer 3 years to indulge your passions before you stumble into a beautiful studio set up without a second thought for money and future and paying rent and getting by and still having time to create. It wasn’t like that for me either and maybe that’s why I’ve ended up in the role in I’m in, where we’re working towards teaching the nuts and bolts, the life stuff, the business stuff, the how to survive but how to do that with the same passion and freedom you had before you knew what a bank account was, and before you had to even comprehend how much things cost. How to survive & PLAY.

90% of my role is about giving students confidence, and how do you build confidence? by teaching them how to know themselves – their goals, their motivations, their preferences, their strengths. So how do you get them to know themselves? You get them to PLAY because there is no better way to learn about yourself and your boundaries than to play. To push & pull, to negotiate, to fall, to fail, to win, to lose, to recover, to rebuild, to GROW.